That said, take your dirty hipster boyfriend, point a high pressure hose at him, scrub him down with some Borax, take out the stupid piercings, shave that ridiculous waxed mustache and feral beard off him (apparently the off-hours he doesn’t spend hunting for jeans shorts are spent tying Lillian Gish to the train tracks), put him in a clean shirt and tie (when he complains about the torture of wearing a tie, woman him by explaining epidurals and vaginal tearing to him), run a comb through that greasy mat of hair and give it a bit of a flick.
Any guy can scrub up well with 5 minutes of effort. Maybe not to Brando-level, but still. It’s just become okay to not even bother. Or worse: to put in twice as much effort into looking like a homeless dero.